Personal Space for Kids

Us as adults are well aware of personal space and the need for it, but as most parents know, personal space for kids is usually nonexistent.

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Which is why it is so important to teach personal space for kids as well as allowing them to have personal space.

Some tips I have learned while teaching my children, as well as kids in the classroom when I used to teach, about personal space is I would tell them “bubble”.

Code Word

Bubble was the code word I would say and they would take a step back. I explained personal space by making it something visually representative of something they knew.

A bubble.

I used a bubble because most every child knows what a bubble looks like. So I explained to my students and now my own kids that when I say “bubble” that I needed them to take a step (or two) back because they were too close in my “bubble”.

This allowed them to visualize it and follow through.

Plus it wasn’t a harsh word like “back up” which can come across harsh to kids, especially young ones.

So as my kids get too close, I say “bubble” and they know to back up and carry on with what they were saying. Simple and effective.

And it works both ways, they are allowed to tell me “bubble” if they feel I am too much in their space as well. It has to be a two-way street to be effective.

There are even kids books about personal space that kids can see and relate to as well. Here is another one perfect for a Kindergartener classroom.

Don’t Force It

Another key to personal space for kids is not to force anything.

This may sound like a no brainer but truly think about it.

How many times do you go over to a friends house or relatives house and when you leave do you say, “give Grandpa a hug bye” or “give Grandma a kiss bye”?

This is not only teaching kids to get into other peoples personal space, but it also forcing kids to have other people in their personal space.

Have you ever told you little one, “ah give Grandma a hug” or “let Grandma hug you silly”? Or what about a relative coming up to your child and hugging them and kissing them without asking?

This may seem silly, but would you want some relative coming up to you in your personal space hugging and kissing all over you?

Most of us don’t even think about it. We just let it happen because “its family”.

How scary is that to think about?

We let family get into our “bubble” because that’s just what is expected?

I’m sorry, but that stops in this generation in my family.

Now it may be a cultural thing and I totally understand and respect that, but I think the bigger question needs to be, are you okay with that?

If you are, then cool and don’t worry about it.

If you aren’t, then maybe its time to stand up for yourselves and your children.

Now I know it may be hard because its family. You don’t want to offend or upset anyone.

But that’s your child. And at least for me, my kids happiness and safety come before any family members feelings.

Now some may not feel as strongly as I do about it, so here are some ways to not offend family when they want in your child’s personal space.

Offer an Alternative

Give your child a way out.

When my oldest was little, she was shy and apprehensive to new people and when family members would come up to her or say “give me a hug” she would hide behind me or just stare blankly at them.

Some family members got offended and mad about getting rejected by a toddler. I used to get embarrassed by it until I thought about it a different way.

If someone was coming up to you that you weren’t all that familiar with and demanded a hug or kiss, would you be willing to do so?

Chances are you wouldn’t be, so why force kids to do it?

This is why I would tell my daughter, “how about a high-five or a wave instead?” And she would happily wave or high-five instead.

This allowed her a CHOICE!

It allowed her to make the choice whether to let someone in her personal space. It also allowed her a way out of that invasion of personal space.

After awhile, family members caught on and realized what I was doing and I even explained to them that I was not going to force her to give them a hug or kiss. It was her choice.

But what I do force my children to do is to acknowledge someone.

You do not have to hug them.

You do not have to kiss them.

You do not have to give them a high-five or knuckle bump.

But you do have to acknowledge their existence because that is the nice thing to do. There is no reason to be rude.

But you can do so in a non-touch way. Whether that be a wave hello or goodbye or verbally saying it.

This way that person or family member feels acknowledged and no one is in the personal space for kids.

This has worked wonders for my daughters and actually has allowed my kids to become more in charge of their bodies and now they will give family members a hug that they used to just wave to.

Its about becoming comfortable with the situation and kids need that just as much, if not more, than adults do.

So why are we not teaching that personal space for kids is okay. Adults need it and so do kids. They are human too.

For more relative advice read here about gifts from relatives and how to steer them in the right direction.