Does you child cry when you leave the room at night? Does you toddler fight bedtime and you are just at a loss for what to do? I’m here to share my tips to help with separation anxiety in toddlers sleep.
Separation anxiety in toddlers sleep can be a difficult thing to overcome, especially because by bedtime everyone in the house is tired and probably lacking some patience.
You may or may not have experienced separation anxiety in sleep when your toddler was an infant. If you did you may have chalked it up to sleep regression or something else.
As parents all we want for our toddlers is a healthy development and SLEEP!
We’ve gotten through the newborn lack of sleep phase and then BAM, our toddlers want to have a hard time at bedtime just when we thought we’d be able to get some sleep!
Now there may be other reasons why your toddler is having trouble at night time, but if it is separation anxiety, then here are some tips to try to get through the hurdle.
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Create a Night Time Routine
This is HUGE! And probably the most commonly avoided by parents.
We want to be able to go with the flow, stay out late if there is an event or we’re at a family members house. But I am here to tell you, kids thrive on routine.
Now thats not to say you can’t still “go with the flow” but try and stick to a routine until your child is old enough to understand “sleeping in!”.
Try avoiding straying too far off track until a deep routine is established. I would not go over 30 minutes off track especially for night time routines.
Night time routines are CRITICAL in establishing trust with your child.
Sticking to a routine will allow your toddler to know what is coming next. Give this at least 2 weeks minimum to see a difference.
You can’t expect to do the routine for 2 days and magically everything be better.
But sticking with a routine will give your toddler a sense of security in knowing what is expected and what is to come to help the separation anxiety of toddlers sleep.
Leave, Wait, Come Back
I will warn you right now, this step will be taxing on your patience mama! But hopefully the outcome is well worth it!
We did this with both my girls when they entered the toddler sleep crying when we left phase.
After your nighttime routine, whatever that looks like if it is bath, story, kisses, song, etc., you say “goodnight, see you in the morning” and walk out of their room.
They will cry. They will scream for you.
Wait 1 minute.
Then open the door saying something sweet and nurturing like “mama is right here, it is okay”. Something to that affect to reassure them.
This will reassure them that you are not far away and can hear their needs. With repetition, it will also teach them that you will come back if they truly needed you. They are testing you mama and that is okay.
They need the reassurance.
After you’ve gone back in and said “its okay”, calm them back down, then tuck them in again with the same phrase, “goodnight, see you in the morning” and leave again.
They will cry. It is okay.
Wait 2 minutes.
Then go back in, repeating the same steps as before. Remember, repetition is key here!
They will cry. Now wait 3 minutes. Repeat.
This may take awhile mama depending on how headstrong and stubborn your toddler is, but after awhile they will fall asleep and they will learn that you will come if they need you.
You may not think they technically need you, but their little toddler size emotional selves do need you! You are building that trust between you and your toddler.
Find Possible Other Causes
If after two weeks of trying these things, you are still having issues with separation anxiety in toddlers sleep, then there might be another reason.
I’m not saying rush to a doctor for a sleep aid for you toddler. But think about their day-to-day lifestyle.
Are they having a ton of sugar? Are they not getting enough sleep during the day with naps? Are they not burning enough energy during the day?
Answering these questions and truly being honest with yourself and not issuing yourself mom guilt because mama, there is nothing to be guilty about. It happens to all moms. It does not make you a bad mom.
Read that again. This does not make you a bad mom.
But finding other reasons and testing those theories could help stop the separation anxiety in toddlers sleep.
Maybe try naps in the day to help stop your toddler from getting over-stimulated.
Try cutting down on sugary foods and snacks. Also check if the food you are giving them has Red 40 dye in it. This could be contributing to it.
When my oldest was a toddler, I noticed she would be uncontrollable and emotional beyond belief and I read articles about Red 40 dye and the effects of it in kids. So I tested it out and cut down anything with Red 40 dye and within a few days her attitude changed. Worth a try.
Try taking them outside before bath and letting them run around like crazy, or playing an indoor activity to burn energy before bed.
Testing these might help with the separation anxiety at bedtime, plus it will give you and your toddler some (maybe much needed) one-on-one time.
Get a Sleep Clock
Something tangible that your toddler can see might help ease the separation anxiety in toddlers sleep.
We used an Okay to Wake Clock to help my oldest stay in bed until morning. Full review on that item here.
This can be helpful because the clock will glow green when it is okay to get up out of bed, which may help ease the anxiety in some toddlers about when they are able to get back up which could be causing the issues in the first place.
Hopefully these tips for separation anxiety in toddlers sleep gave you some new ways to help your toddler sleep better and ease the frustration and exhaustion of bedtime.
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