How to Get Kids to Listen Without Yelling

Raising kids is hard. Sometimes kids get caught up in their own thing and don’t want to listen. Here is how to get kids to listen without yelling.

*DISCLAIMER: links may be affiliate meaning I may receive a small commission at no additional cost to you*

How to get kids to listen without yelling is probably the most asked parenting question out there.

Everyone wants to know the magic trick to being a calm parent as well as how to get their kids to just automatically listen.

The trick is, there is no one way to get kids to listen without yelling. There are different ways to approach it depending on the child and how your child responds.

So you may have to try different ways, but you can’t give up after just one attempt if it doesn’t work the first time.

You have to give it a few days and see if it sticks before moving on. How to get kids to listen without yelling will be challenging.

I still to this day have moments where I snap and yell at my kids. We are human and don’t beat yourself up over it if it does happen. We’ve all been there. It’s normal and does NOT make you a bad mom.

Now that that is out of the way, we can move on to how to get your kids to listen without yelling.

Get Their Attention

Usually the whole reason parents really start yelling is because kids are “listening” when in reality, kids aren’t pay attention.

They are either distracted or not really hearing what we are saying because they have gotten used to the yelling.

Use short, catchy, attention grabbers to grab your kids attention first before requiring them to do a task.

For example, before asking your kids to pick up their toys, get their attention because chances are they aren’t even really paying attention to you.

Attention grabbers which require an action from the child is even better.

Example: “1,2,3 eyes on me…” In which the kid would respond with “1, 2 eyes on you!” and then chances are they are looking at you and ready to actually hear what you are asking of them.

Explain that after you say your phrase, they say theirs.

Another example my daughters teacher actually uses is, “eyes open” and kids repeat “eyes open” and she says “mouths closed” and they hum “hmm hmm” in response because their mouths should be closed.

It’s catchy and it works. The class immediately stops talking and looks at her. Gets their attention every time.

So using attention grabbers is a way on how you get kids to listen without yelling. This way before you actually ask what you are requesting of them with an attention grabber you know they are paying attention.

There are lots of attention grabbers you can use. Here are a few: You: “Hands on top”….child: “that means stop” Another is, You: “To Infinity”… child: “and beyond!”

Make Sure They Understand

Miscommunication not only happens between adults, it can also happen between kids and adults.

Us adults usually tell kids what to do and just assume they actually understand what we are asking of them.

Sometimes we forget we need to simplify our instructions and make sure they are age appropriate in a way your kids can understand and then follow through.

Kids may just stare blankly at you after you ask them to do something and that is infuriating. It makes us angry which then can turn into repeating the instructions in a yelling tone.

How to get kids to listen without yelling requires your kids to fully understand and comprehend what you are actually asking of them.

Ask them if they understand what you just said. And then have them repeat what you asked them to do to make sure they understand.

Sometimes kids will just say yes they understand even if they don’t. Especially if you have kids who aim to please. Most kids will either stare blankly or they will say yes and then not do what was asked of them.

This causes yelling.

Having them repeat what you are asking allows them time to process what you are actually asking of them and then follow through.

Simplify the Steps

Sometimes we go on a to-do list style request for our kids.

We need to simplify and give steps. Especially with young kids.

You can’t say, “go pick up all your toys, put them in your room, take your jacket and hang it up, put your shoes away, hang your backpack up, put your clean clothes away, and then go wash your hands”

That is too many steps for anyone to remember, let alone a child.

Kids have short attention spans.

Try breaking up the request. Asking for 2-3 things to be done then add 2-3 more then those get done. Build upon the list instead of throwing the whole list at them.

Respectful Tone

Using a respectful or nice tone of voice will help your child feel comfortable and not like you are being a drill sergeant.

Asking them nicely might help them do what you are asking of them.

Personally, my kids respond more when I ask in a loving way as opposed to an annoyed and irritated tone of voice. They want the loving ask instead of the bossy ask. Wouldn’t you?

Give a Choice

Another way to get kids to listen is to give them a choice. Or at least what to them seems like a choice.

i will tell my daughter “you can pick up your toys or you can go to your room, you pick” chances are she will pick the picking up toys because she doesn’t want to go to her room.

oNow another way you can have them “make a choice” is giving them a choice of what task they get to do first.

For example you could ask your child, “put your shoes away first or hang up your jacket first, you choose”.

This way they get a choice in their actions and don’t feel like they are just being told what to do all day long. Personally I’d hate that so why are kids any different?

Now granted both choices will get done but you are just asking them which they would rather do first.

Take a Break

If you have done all of these things and you are still not getting through to them and you end up at your wits end and feel a scream coming on, leave.

Take a break and let yourself calm down. Whether that is walking into another room away from the non-listeners and letting out that anger on your pillow or just crying out of frustration.

It’s better to take that emotion out on your pillows than your kids.

Apologize

If you do slip up and yell at the kids (we’ve all been there so no judgement!), apologize once you calm down.

We are all human and if you model that behavior of apologizing when you slip up or make a mistake it will teach them to apologize if they do the same.

Apologizing to your kid may feel odd at first but why?

After all they are humans too, just tiny.

They have feelings too and sometimes they don’t understand their feelings. So if you can apologize for yelling and screaming at them they may feel better about themselves too.

Hopefully these gave you some options on how to get kids to listen without yelling for your family.