A Note to my First Born

I wrote this note the morning of my induction (02/09/2018) with my second child: a note to my first born.

A note to my first born as I lay awake awaiting and thinking about how our worlds would soon forever change.

As I lay here wide awake waiting for the clock to strike 6am so I can get up and prepare for the journey that is childbirth and welcoming your sister into this crazy world, I can’t help but feel guilt.

Guilt for leaving you alone all day and possibly all night (even though you love your Grammie time).

Guilt, knowing that our time just the two of us is coming to an abrupt end.

Guilt, knowing that you will now have to share my time & attention.

Guilt, knowing that you are only two and don’t quite yet understand the joy that will come from a sibling, so you are lashing out with tantrums knowing something big is coming but not knowing what.

I understand my sweet girl, I know that it’s hard. I feel it too.

I know that today will be life changing for all of us. New routines, new schedules, a whole new way of life for us.

And I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for the lack of attention you’ve gotten since mama can’t get down on all fours and play horsey.

I’m sorry for the times you begged and cried wanting me to get down and sit on the floor next to you but my big growing belly prevented that.

I’m sorry I haven’t been the most patient person and I’m sorry for those times my hormones got the best of me and you saw mama break down in tears from frustration or just plain raw emotion.

But here’s the amazing thing my little princess, you now will forever have a playmate.

You will forever have someone to get down and play on the floor with you, someone to share you’re hopes and dreams with.

Someone to fight with and just argue like siblings know how to do best.

Having a sibling is one of life’s most amazing gifts my sweet girl, even if sometimes it may not seem like it.

So here is my gift to you darling, a forever friend.

Mama loves you with all her heart and I promise that will never change. ♥️