Why You Don’t Work

Many people ask my husband “well why doesn’t your wife get a job”. Here is what you can say if people ask why you don’t work.

Now in their defense they don’t just go up to my husband and throw this piece of advice in his face. It is usually brought on when they ask if he is looking for another job or when they are all talking financial situations.

He says well ours is tight on a single income with 2 kids.

And yes it is tight. Very tight. But we make it work. And I don’t have a problem with people telling him their advice.

What I do have an issue with is other men (and women) telling him, “your wife could work, mine does and we have kids” or “tell your wife to get a job and help out jeez”.

These comments are what get me fuming.

These unnecessary comments from people who don’t even KNOW me or our family situation. All they know is I’m a stay at home mom of 2 kids. That’s it.

They think of this glamorous fake stereotypical “stay at home mom” lifestyles you see on a Lifetime movie or TLC show. Where the moms are sitting around with their diamonds and coffees talking about a scandalous neighborhood event.

This isn’t desperate housewives people. They envision that and don’t see what’s real. What they don’t see is ALL the behind the scenes that “just moms” do.

(For more ideas on what moms do and how you can avoid mom burnout, click here)

They don’t see the countless sleepless nights up with a teething baby or newborn. The hours of laundry because the toddler peed the bed or the baby spit up on everything or my husband needing clothes for work.

The pile of bottles needing to be washed before the baby is hungry again. The constant cleaning and picking up stuff so the baby doesn’t choke on small toys and because the toddler had an accident on the carpet.

They don’t hear the constant words of “mama I need ___”, whether that be goldfish, a toy they’ve lost, or a movie put on for them. They don’t see the grocery hauls with 2 kids under school-age.

Trying to grab everything needed for dinner without the toddler running off or baby crying. Trying to cook dinner without a sibling squabble in the living room.

The countless nights after they go to bed and before my husband gets home thinking about activities to keep them entertained the next day; which park is safest to go to, if we should tackle the Zoo or train museum or try and setup a play date with a friend.

The hours I spend researching which Preschool to send our kids to and which ones will be a great fit for them. Deciding what to do or where to go day after day. And the mental list of items to pack and bring just so we can actually leave the house.

Those advice givers don’t see the time I spend managing our finances and making sure every bill gets paid on time.

While still giving us gas and grocery money weekly as well as some spending money for fun stuff. They don’t see the balancing act of what goes on at home.

They don’t see the internal battle I have with myself every single damn day about wanting to financially help our family not live paycheck to paycheck.

Whether to put our young girls in a daycare where basically my entire paycheck would go to said daycare because let’s be real: that shit is expensive for a good safe place.

Or whether to keep things how they are with me staying home with our girls and my husband working his ass off so we can have a great life.

This is the struggle I go through every time I hear someone give me or my husband their “advice” or “suggestion”. Because let’s be honest, it’s usually not wanted advice or even nicely given advice.

It’s usually in some snarky comment or remark basically belittling my job as a mother and wife.

These people haven’t walked in my shoes. Sure they will say “oh we have kids too and my wife works” and that’s fabulous for them.

I’m glad that works and I have friends and know that people do that every day and they have their OWN internal struggles about that choice. But as long as we are able to financially make it work, where I can stay home with our girls and make sure they are safe and protected then I’ll do it.

That’s the deal my husband and I made. It’s OUR decision.

Sure we have days where it would be nice to take a vacation on a whim or be able to decorate like I want for holidays or for him to buy all the man-toys he wants, but right now that’s not in the cards and that’s okay.

We will get there. And until we do, please keep the snarky comments to yourself.

And yes, there are days I have my mom in town or my sister-in-law comes over to help me out with my girls when I’m at my wits end. I am forever grateful and I know I’m lucky to have that.

I know there are moms out there who don’t have that help, who have no one near them to help when their husbands are at work or they are single mothers doing it all. I applaud all those women. I’m not taking anything away from that with this post.

My only point is to say don’t judge a mom that stays home with her kids by telling her husband to tell her to “get a job”.

Take a moment and think about all the small details that go into running a household and think about that internal struggle that mom may be dealing with because every situation is different and every household is unique.

Being a mom is a job too!